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ASK SWISH: How Do I Deal with a Partner Suffering from Poor Manners?

Updated: Jul 16, 2023

Imagine this: You are on a date with someone new and the conversation is great, but there's something that is completely distracting you... and it isn't his dreamy eyes. Its how much food he is stuffing in his mouth. His mouth that is inches from his plate. If you've been there, I understand.

When I moved from Atlanta to Idaho this was one of the biggest differences I noticed (one of many, I'll tell you). People didn't have manners! I was astonished by the lack of table etiquette, but more so frustrated that it wasn't something anyone seemed concerned about.

I pride myself on being someone that can fit in with any social class, anywhere, and be respectful of different cultures. One secret to this super power I've discovered, is manners.

Just as it is better to be overdressed at an even rather than underdressed, manners are always a primary tool in your elegance toolkit.

Manners are an essential part of civilized society. They are the foundation of good social interactions and are crucial for building and maintaining positive relationships with others. Good manners are not only a sign of respect, but they also help to create a more harmonious and peaceful environment for everyone.

One of the most important aspects of this is respect. Showing respect to others through our actions and words is essential for building trust and fostering healthy relationships. This includes using polite language, being punctual, and showing appreciation for others. For example, saying "please" and "thank you" are simple yet effective ways to show respect and gratitude.

Growing up in the South, "yes ma'am" and "yes sir" were common stylings we were taught to respect those older than us. Out West, this sadly is seen as a sarcastic, which leads me to another important part of manners-- being considerate..

Being considerate and aware of the needs and feelings of others and acting in a way that takes them into account includes basic manners of being mindful of others' personal space, not interrupting when someone is speaking, and being aware of different cultural norms and customs. For example, since moving here, I've sparingly used such formal titles as "Ma'am and Sir" ...ironically out of respect for many of my superiors.

Even without Southern nomenclatures, good manners are also essential for building and maintaining professional relationships. In the workplace, manners can be the difference between a successful career and one that is filled with conflict and tension. Professional manners include more than just table etiquette, but also little things being punctual, dressing appropriately, and being respectful to colleagues and clients (running late and dressing out of code should never be seen as a personality trait... that will get old really fast).

In today's fast-paced and technology-driven world, manners are more important than ever. With so many distractions and competing demands on our time, it's easy to overlook the importance of manners. They are a sign of respect, consideration and professionalism. They help to create a more harmonious and peaceful environment for everyone.

But what if you are dealing with a partner who has poor manners? This can be incredibly challenging. First, important to remember that everyone has their own unique upbringing and experiences that have shaped their behavior. However, if your partners's manners are causing problems in your relationship, it's important to address the issue. Especially if you see it harming his future of being able to engage with any social class, anywhere. Here are a few steps you can take to deal with a partner's concerning manners:

  1. Communicate your concerns clearly and respectfully. Share specific examples of the behavior that is bothering you and explain how it makes you feel. It's important to express yourself in a calm and non-judgmental way.

  2. Listen to his perspective. Ask him why he behaves the way he does and try to understand his point of view. It's possible that he may not be aware of how his behavior is impacting you.

  3. Discuss potential solutions together. Work together to find ways to improve his manners and come up with a plan to implement these changes.

  4. Be patient and supportive. Changing ingrained habits takes time and effort. Be supportive of your boyfriend as he works to improve his manners and be patient with the process.

  5. Be willing to compromise. Sometimes, it's not possible to change someone's manners completely, but you may be able to find a compromise that works for both of you.

It's important to remember that changing someone's manners is not something that can happen overnight, and it may take time, effort, and patience on both of your parts. However, if your partner is willing to work on the issue and is open to feedback, it is possible to improve the manners together.

It's also important to consider if you are in the dating stage whether these bad manners are a deal breaker for you, and if so, it's time to have an honest conversation about the future of the relationship.



Hannah Brusven founded The Swish in 2018 to combat trashy & politically biased women's media and create a  place for young women looking for a little more than more society feeds them.


Here we believe elegance is powerful, and the key to unlocking confidence, persuasion, and impact. Explore trends, traditions, lifestyle, and more with The Swish-- for an inspired elegant life. 


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